Modern Farm-Woman Attire

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Posted by Jennifer | Posted in Past Posts 2011 | Posted on Wed,06-15-2011

One of the hazards of farming is the dreaded farmer’s tan.  Nothing like getting undressed and still looking like you have clothes on – for me this is most noticeable on my arms where I tend to get a distinct sleeve line.  My whole off-farm wardrobe is then dictated by what I have that can cover up the un-tan portions of my body.  Of course, continuing to cover these pale places results in an even more obvious tone difference and a vicious cycle ensues.  Well, no more.  I am starting a “Just Say No to Farmers’ Tan” campaign.

Gone are the days of wearing long pants and boots – hell, we’re in a drought; it’s not as if I’m going to walk through tall grass and stumble upon a snake. Shirts with sleeves are no go too.  Sunscreen is still critical because, aside from the cancer risk, no one wants to look like an old piece of shoe-leather at 45, or ever for that matter.  Wrinkles suck and they’re caused by the sun.

So, what’s the modern farm girl to do?  Well, if you have a swim suit don that.  Personally I haven’t bought a swim suit since I gained weight and have no plans to spend money on something I wouldn’t dare wear in public.  If I find a place to swim at home, I’ll just skinny-dip (or chunky-dunk, as the case may be).  Instead I resurrected clothes from my past – a tube top that looks chic under a cropped jacket, and shorts that were swim suit cover-up in their past life.  I roll the tube-top up and the shorts down to maximize skin exposure.  Don’t have a tube top?  No worries, wear a tank top but take the sleeves down and tie them together in the front with a zip tie.  Instantly you have a tan-line-free top.

There are other essential elements of the farm-woman wardrobe beside the clothes themselves. For example, before sporting my tube top and shorts outside, I slather on a mineral sun block – can’t imagine using the chemical stuff with the quantities and frequency I need.  I use Nature’s Gate on my body and Clarin’s on my face.  The Clarin’s stuff is expensive but one little bottle lasts for several seasons, feels light, and does a great job.  Not really tan related, but next, and this is crucial, I apply mascara.  Mascara, you ask?  Yes, it would be absurd for me to be in the field in nothing but a tube top, short shorts, body odor, a thin layer of dirt and sweat coating my body and NO make-up.  Even a chicken-farmer needs a little “glamour.” The following, paired with either flip-flops (dry weather) or Crocs (wet-weather), is my wardrobe on the farm:

Shorts, tube top, make-up and sunscreens

Modern Farm Wear

Please take steps to eliminate farmers’ tans from your world, don’t forget the sun screen or mascara, and please call before you visit so I can be decent when you arrive.

Comments (8)

OMG YOU ARE SOOOO FUNNNY!!! JUST SO DURN NATURALLY FUNNY. siiiiigh. I’m going to have to try Clarin’s. I use Neutrogena on my face, but I smell like a tire, and it’s thick, and sometimes stings. Is that normal? LOL

A tire? That’s horrible; run to Sephora and buy the Clarin’s!

I used to do lots of things and think “I might be a redneck…” I considered putting a bumper sticker on the camper when we were still living in it and then thought, “I might be a redneck if my house has a bumper to put a sticker on.” Now, however, I am so deep in redneckness that I stop and think “I might NOT be a redneck if…” when I do certain things. FWIW the bumper sticker I wanted said “Don’t Laugh, It’s Paid For.”

I remember my bestie getting ready for her wedding while working on the ranch and it was a hastle to ensure minimal tan lines. In the Idaho heat she wore long sleeves! – which left tan lines around her neck and wrists. I’d rather go the tube top and shorts route – even if I carry a few extra pounds…

I tried the long sleeve approach last year and it was HOT and I still had tan lines too. Who cares about extra pounds when on your own property – the trick is to not suck in your gut even though it’s fully exposed – this prevents the dreaded fat-roll tan line.

I’m jumping on this bandwagon. Have been shopping for a tube top myself.

Hi Jennifer- You are too funny!!! This is great stuff. Don’t be too serious about blocking all the sun out all the time though. Doc says I have awesome Vit D levels and I get more wrinkles from worrying about work that I do from the sun. Life outdoors is good. Also your skin needs to breathe and takes in all the chemicals in that block or other makeup. So apply judicisously (sp)and give skin a break by waering no nasty facestuff once in a while. Keep up the great descriptions though- this is priceless. You are as good as Stephen King portaying what’s going on (:

Ooh La La! I am afraid my neighbors are still too close and I am way too top heavy to wear a tube top- but YOU GO!

Don’t worry about the neighbors; the whole point is you’re on your property and you’re just saying NO to tan lines. Strut your stuff like you own the place!!!

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